How to Piss Me off Royally

I’m going to let all of you unemployed bastards in on a little secret – recruiters hate you just as much as you hate them. Perhaps tenfold.

Today, for instance, one of my ingrates crudely finished off her missive by asking “How much money will I make?” Given that this was our first exchange after my initial “Saw your profile and would like the chance to speak with you” e-mail, I’ll venture to say that her salary will be jack shit.

What candidates don’t seem to realize is that recruiters have the power to veto a resume and in turn, your shot at a new job. While it’s of utmost importance to pull out every stop during an interview, your initial contact with a recruiter is what actually gets you through the door. Let’s put it this way – an actor may receive an Oscar nod, but only if he’s in the movie – and he’d better give somebody a hand-job in order to land that winning role.

Candidates also seem to think that recruiters have a penchant for non-disclosure. What do I meant by that exactly? The fact that you fucking call me ten times a day when I’ve already said that I don’t have any news for you. We’re not lying when we say “Sorry, but I haven’t heard back yet,” or “We’re not moving as quickly on this one as I’d hoped, unfortunately.” Banal, sure – yet true, nonetheless.

There’s nothing wrong with being steadfast, particularly in today’s market, but there is likewise a certain amount of tact that needs to be employed. Would you incessantly call your wife to ask her the same question everyday? Probably not, unless you’re a complete asshole. The point is that recruiters are attempting to fill a job just as industriously as you’re looking for one. Remember, that’s the main financial objective of what we do – hiring individuals who need work. We get paid when you get paid.

So, class, let’s review. It’s fine to follow up if you haven’t heard back in a few days; that I can stand behind. Or if you’ve actually interviewed somewhere and it’s been a week since we’ve last had contact, please, give me a call.

Otherwise, do us all a favor – don’t call us, we’ll call you.